I Would Have Liked to Make a Different Film Film

"At the beginning of November 2018 I decided to start making an autobiographical film. I thought I could make it easy for myself. I would read out the clinic’s psychiatric report: The patient reported that she had been sexually abused by her father from the age of 11 to 15 years old… - They say, it’s treatable. Maybe I would be just as sad if none of this had happened?” 

In a voiceover, Suse Itzel reports on the sexual abuse she had to endure as a child and teenager. She talks about the consequences that such violence can cause. An experimental video image reinforces the spoken word. Photographs from the past: pictures from a living room that no longer exists. The family appears as a gap. A green couch in the older photos and a green couch as a reconstructed sculpture. Images as projections in different places: painful memories that reappear in the present. In psychiatric rooms, studio spaces or shared flats."

Suse Itzel

Suse Itzel is a German filmmaker, artist and author. She studied Fine Arts in Hamburg and Creative Writing & experimental filmmaking in Cologne. Itzel's video works, objects and expansive installations have been shown in numerous exhibitions in Germany and Austria since 2009. Her most recent autobiographical works deal with sexual violence, the consequences of childhood trauma and (mental) illness. She also designed the stage set for Cologne’s queer-feminist reading series [OHNE PRONOMEN].